Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
porn star boner night. come get it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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