I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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