Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
