there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
