3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize