You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
