i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
