I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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