she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
