Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
