Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
