I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
