he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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