Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
