I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
