i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
