In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
thus making me awesome and them whores
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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