And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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