Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
