Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
