I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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