Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
