Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
