I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
