no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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