drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
