i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
