I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
