so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
