i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
