Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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