You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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