I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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