I hate your face
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
