And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
