Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
