And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
