Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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