soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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