yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
