They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
