There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
