Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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