i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
