You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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