yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
