Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will pee on everything he values.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
