Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
