why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize