i just had sex bonerless
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
