Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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