hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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