Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
