I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize