I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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