In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
