yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
