Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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